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So, these new husband-wife jokes will keep you laughing and make each others' company more fun: 1. My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort. 2. My wife gives me sound advice: 99% sound and 1% advice. 3. My spouse's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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More husband and wife Jokes. Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom this morning. There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the critism anymore.". She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him. As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she remarked:
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Pray for Good Food. A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: "Our food has arrived! Let's eat!". His wife reminded him: "Honey, you.
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63+ Hilarious Husband and Wife Marriage Jokes (feat. Bridezilla and Couchpotato) Marriage is not a joke, but it can feel like one…okay, let me rephrase that: There is plenty of funny marriage jokes that include the husband and wife on both ends. I did some research and collected the funniest and most hilarious jokes about marriage.
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Husband: "I'm just kidding!". Son: Dad, I've heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: Son, that's true everywhere. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
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Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
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22. Wife: Let's go out and have fun tonight! Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on. 23. The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he's too old to do it. 24. Marrying someone for their good looks is like buying a house for the paint color. 25.
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Make sure your eyes are wide open before marriage, half shut afterward. The boss of the house is me. My wife is just a decision-maker. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Husbands are like fires; if left unattended, they go out. Until a man is married, he is incomplete.
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Wife: "I'm looking for an expiration date.". Scientists have just discovered something that can do all the work of five men…a woman. It doesn't matter how many times a married man changes his job; he will always end up with the same boss. Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband.". Friend: "Great trade!".
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2. It's A Computer, Not A Husband! Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command. Husband: Exactly, darling! It's a computer, not a husband!! 3. Thank God! A husband and wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair.
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1. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. 2. Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future.
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Wife: Ok, give me a coin. Husband: Wait a second. A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, "Windows frozen, won't open.". The husband texts back, "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.". The wife texts back five minutes later, "Computer really messed up now.".
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Here are 20 husband and wife jokes for your enjoyment: 51. Why did the husband carry his wife on his shoulders? Because she wanted to reach new heights in their relationship! 52. Wife: "Honey, can you help me with the laundry?" Husband: "Sure, I'll be there in a spin cycle." 53. Husband: "Do you believe in love at first sight?"
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Apparently, the act of sex can help you burn the same amount of calories as running eight miles, the wife read. The husband wondered how it could run eight miles in merely 30 seconds on earth. The wife kept screaming, "Give it to me! I've become so wet. Give it to me right now!" but the husband refused to give his umbrella.
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One liner tags: Father's Day, marriage. 81.98 % / 735 votes. Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them. One liner tags: attitude, communication, marriage. 81.97 % / 644 votes. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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ADVERTISEMENT. #9. A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife's hearing. The doctor says, "Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you." The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop.